So things are crazy....

Well, I feel crazy.

A friend of mine from the gym is dealing with the loss of her brother – he was killed on his motorcycle last week. Poof – just gone. It was so sad especially as he left a young wife and three kids under 7 years old behind. I feel for her. I know how I felt when my mom died – it was beyond devastating as I’m sure it will be when I lose a sibling. The same week, a murder/suicide happened a few blocks from our house in Dalhousie…a man killed his wife, his 4 & 6 year old children and the roommate that rented their basement...he let his one year old live…but he killed himself. It was sick and sad and completely numbing.

Blogging is a funny thing. I think of it as a bit of a diary, yet you really can’t pour it all out as it isn’t really the place to air your dirty laundry, is it? I mean, if I really said all of the things that I am thinking and feeling I would probably make an awful lot of people very upset. There is a situation that I am dealing with now and I know that if I told the world about it I would feel better but it would just hurt too many people in the long run. So what to do? Keep it in? Hope it heals itself? I don’t know. It is stressful and I am not really dealing well at all. I am waking up between 3:30 am and 4:00 am in a cold sweat every morning and laying there stressing and worrying myself sick.
Ugh.
I’m tired.
This has been going on long enough.
But I have faith – which is the topic of this quote I have been thinking about…

“Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith!”
~ Margaret Shepherd ~


So what else is new?

We have a huge gymnastics competition in Calgary – The National Championships for Women’s, Men’s & Trampoline & Tumbling…. and I signed up a long time ago to be on the LOC as Awards Coordinator. If I knew then what my life would be like now – I never would have done it. It has been stressful and I have not been focused in any such way. Luckily we have some great team members that have been on top of things.

Still doing my best to avoid bad carbs and caffeine…and I have been doing pretty well. My biggest weaknesses are wine, martini’s and mojitos. I can pretty much stay away from the bread and crackers and junk food no problem. But the drinks… I miss them…given my current stressful situation…they are helpful to relax, you know! I have been pretty good though. If Anthony & I go out and the menu has something enticing, I’ll order it. Anthony has been working out & losing weight for quite a while now…it’s nice to be able to do it together. We are still walking together – he goes 7 days a week and I go 4…as the days I go to work early just don’t work into the schedule. I feel better – I feel trimmer…there is still a long way to go…but it’s a start.

My blood pressure is coming down. The walking is helping. I am not really ready to take on a big jump into hard core working out - But I will be ready one day in the near future. Anthony is keeping track of my readings twice a day and recording them into a spreadsheet to take to my doctor. Hopefully I can wean myself off of the meds soon. It’s one of my steps to a healthier/happier me.

I have been slaving – yes SLAVING, away in our garage, purging like crazy. I know, I should have done it 8 years ago when we bought the house…but I didn’t so here I am…shoulder high in crap! I have found stuff that when we last moved was thrown haphazardly into boxes and should never have moved along with us. Toys, clothes, baby bedding, tapes, bills from the early 90’s! You name it, I’ve found it. I have probably spent about 30 hours in there so far and the end is not in sight. The problem is – some of it has memories and trying to decide what to keep and what to junk, what to donate, what to save for our Breast Cancer Fundraiser garage sale…Ugh. It’s all so much. I think so far we have donated about 15 bags to charity and taken at least 30 bags to the garbage.

My gym life is almost over – thank God! My term as President is over in 13 days. Yippee! I can’t wait to pass this off to someone fresh. I need t get away from the constant bullshit. It’s just such a weird situation at that club. No one really seems to want that place to be successful. It’s all about ME, ME, ME! (or THEM, THEM, THEM, really) If it doesn’t directly benefit the parent or their child, they want nothing to do with it. It’s such a frustrating place to be…when you know what has to be done and you have to fight for it every second of the day, it gets tiring. I have done so much to move things forward and I am proud of what we have managed to get done in the past few years despite the nagging parents but I’m tired. I’m over it. Someone else can take on this two-year-old migraine!

13 days and counting….


“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.”
~ Oprah Winfrey ~