8 months.

Hmmmm. Well, it's been 8 months since I last pushed "publish" on this blog. Way too long. Oh wait - I do have a draft saved for Jack's 2nd birthday, yet to publish, as I hadn't downloaded the birthday pics yet. So bad. I'll get on that. Later.

Life is full and busy. So many things happening in our world...it's hard to find the time to do much of anything other than the bare necessities. A husband, 3 kids, a baby on the way, working, volunteering and trying to find time to just enjoy it all. Some days I wonder what I'll look back on in 30 years and remember.

But I'm going to try it again.

Happy Anniversary to us....

June 5th, 2009...our 5th wedding anniversary!

Ten years into our relationship and 5 years into our marriage, our marriage is as strong as ever. It has had some ups and downs for sure, but somehow it does get better and better.


I'm so lucky to have a husband that can live with me and put up with my occasional crazies and often irrational behaviour.


Five years ago today we were in Stanley Park, Vancouver BC celebrating with our family & friends. Afterwards we boarded the Radiance of the Seas and headed out on a week long cruise to Alaska...with some of our family in tow....which we affectionately called our "FamilyMoon". LOL



I was really hoping that we would be on another cruise to Alaska to celebrate our 5th...but it doesn't look like that'll happen any time soon. I can't even blame it on Jack, but rather simply the amount of work that has to get done on the houses and in the business. Anthony doesn't feel like he can get away for a whole week. Ugh. I hope that doesn't last too long. I'd like at least a summer vacation this year.

I think cruising with a baby wouldn't be too bad. I mean you can bring a stroller and a playpen on board and there is always lots to do. I don't know, we'll see.


To celebrate our day....we went out the night after for a somewhat rushed dinner at Cactus Club while Anthony's mum watched Jack. I had an awesome steak with grilled shrimp, asparagus and creamy mashed potatoes. MMMMMM!


A traditional 5th anniversary gift is wood. So one of the gifts I bought Anthony is a book...(that came from wood, right?!) A Lion Called Christian. If you haven't heard about it, it's a great story about forever love. Appropriate, I thought, for our anniversary.



You can watch a clip on YouTube - it's a beautiful story...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjWtRYaxmWM

Wow...June has arrived!

I can't believe that June is here! Oh how time passes so quickly!

My sister Kathie (or Katie as she prefers) left this morning to return to Jasper for the summer to work and save her money so she can spend the 6 months of winter in Thailand. I'll miss having someone around the house and we'll all surely miss her Thai cooking! The spicy shit too! ha ha ha Jack will miss her wild car seat rocking & bouncy chair shaking (which was somehow soothing). I'm sure our dogs will miss her the most though as she took them out with her and babied them. My poor husband however, will not miss having another bossy wife-like person around!

Jack is growing and changing so much each day. He is such a great baby. He has his moments and his tummy troubles are not always easy, but we are sooooo, so lucky to have him. His personality and temperament are a perfect fit for us.

Noah finished her last day of training at her gym club. I can't say I'm happy or sad...I'm really both. Relief that she doesn't have to put up with poor coaching and clashing personalities, but a little sad that it ended like this for her. It's hard to spend years and years at a club and walk away feeling like you have no idea what that club stands for or believes in. It certainly is evolving into something that does not fit our beliefs anyway. See ya later!

Jordan has slunk off to Germany for a university exchange program. Maybe I should say that he snuck off and is hiding out in Germany...I don't know. But I know that he did not do any of the things he was supposed to do before going there. So we are not very happy with him. And it will not be the same when he returns...lots of changes will be made...like it or not.

Anthony is busy with his business and trying to get the Dalhousie house in order and working away at the little things to be finished at North Haven. There is so much on his plate some days I worry he will have a breakdown...but he is strong and persists. Geez - I love that man!

Me, I'm just a mommy for now. Trying to get some sleep and stay on top of the house. But I'm looking forward to some sunny afternoons on the North Haven deck...maybe enjoying a glass of wine...mmmmmmm.
And I have to start looking after me. I know this. I preach this. I don't do it. Will work some more on it.
And I am trying to register for prenatal yoga at TC but so far there is not enough to run the class. Booooo.

Jack is about to wake up from a nap in his car seat - we took Noah to her ortho appointment this morning - so I should go make a cup of tea and eat something while I have the chance!

The BIG 40!

Here it is....40 has arrived. Uneventful, but here whether I like it or not.

Birthday's seem to stress me out. They always have. 30 was crazy - I honestly think I had a 1/3 life crisis when I was approaching my 30th birthday. It took me a while to recover from that one. I feel like I am in a much better place now than I was then...but it weighs on me.

At 40 I am grateful for:

• My 3 kids. My life would not be so fulfilling (or stressful! LOL) without them!


• My amazing husband. Always there. Always ready to be my hero.


• My family & friends - whose help is always there when needed.

So - what did I do to celebrate this milestone? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Not even a glass of wine! It was a typical day home with Jack....feeding, burping, puking, changing, entertaining, sleeping... feeding, burping, puking, changing, entertaining, sleeping... feeding, burping, puking, changing, entertaining, sleeping.... you get the idea.

It was also the set-up night for our clubs gymnastic meet...which every parent must help out with. So we waited for Noah to get home from diving and headed over to help set up. It was disorganized chaos as was expected - but not my mess anymore...so we did what we could and made it out of there by 10:30pm. Noah and Anthony wanted to go out for dinner still, but I was pooped and Jack needed another feeding and bed...so I opted out and we came home. I had chilled a bottle of wine before we left but fell fast asleep before even getting the thing uncorked.

So much for a rockin' wild 40th birthday!

Life in the pregnant lane....

So this week I am 34 weeks pregnant. Technically, if I go full term, that is a mere 6 weeks away. But I have a feeling this baby boy will be early. I'm due April 13th, but am hoping for an April 7th delivery. So 4.5 weeks away. Yikes. That is really soon. One of the moms that I met online was due April 6th and had her baby this week - 4.5 weeks early...a healthy baby though and already at home. Kinda freaky! There is just so much to do...and it feels like so little time.


We really have been procrastinating a bit - we have bought a co-sleeper bassinet, some clothes, a case of diapers, a couple blankets...and uh - that's it!!! We borrowed a car seat but have yet to buy the baby essentials, a crib, dresser, stroller and all of the other fun things a baby needs.

My friend was planning on having a shower for us before baby came so I kind of put off buying things that people would most likely want to give baby...however, time is running out and I'm not sure the shower will happen any time soon.


The pregnancy itself is going ok...a few little things...low iron and I have glucose intolerance - which just started out as me having to check my sugar levels 4x a day and eat regularly and eat more and less of certain foods...but the sugar numbers remained crazy and I ended up on insulin as this kid is growing, growing, growing HUGE! I'm used to it now. Timing every morsel of food, insulin 4x a day, sugar checks 4x a day - my life is regulated by eating. It's ok - I have never been a good eater so really, it's good for me. My weight gain has been good - except for this past week I packed on some weight - but that could just be water retention - yeah - let's go with that! ha ha ha Otherwise - I'm starting to have trouble sleeping - or staying asleep, peeing a lot, starting to waddle when I walk, and the heartburn is just killer - 24/7! I should buy stocks in Tums!


And still...our lives are busy....no-one could dispute it. I just finished up at the Herald but still have 3 weeks to go at TC. I hope I can make it - every day is a chore. Anthony is really busy with his company - he has a new partner which seems to be working out really well. Jordan is working and gearing up for finals. He leaves in about 8 weeks for Europe for the summer. Noah is busy, busy, busy...she left this morning for a gymnastics competition in Montreal....it'll be a tough one as it is HUGE competition - the biggest she has ever attended and kids from all over the world compete here. We'll hope for top 35 maybe? But from past history it seems like the western girls don't fair as well as the eastern trained girls. Must be our laid-back western attitude. LOL But really - we have put no pressure on her and we have no expectations - just that she goes and does her best and enjoys the weekend. At the same time, this meet is also the world cup qualifier - so for her to be there to watch that level of gymnastics is simply once-in-a-lifetime! I so wish I was there too...but Dr. said no way to flying at this point. party pooper. I'm sure missing my drinking buddy moms.


We drove to Vancouver two weekends ago for a real whirlwind trip - but we made it in 10 hours each way...not bad for winter - I'm pretty sure we can't make it that fast in the summer...but then again you are trying to pass the slow-moving RV's in the summer months...but the weather and roads were really good and we had a great time. Noah did pretty well considering she has a hyper-extended knee injury. She won bronze on beam and came 10AA.


It's going to be a busy few months with gymnastics - we have a meet almost every weekend and her diving coach also has her slated for some diving competitions...I guess our new baby is going to have to get used to lots of car travel and bleacher sitting! Oh well....train them young!


While we were in Vancouver we met up with the wedding photographer that did our wedding...and she took some pregnancy shots for us. I never did this with Jordan or Noah so I'm happy that we did this time. I'll post a few!

Happy 2009!

Wow - so here we are...in another year already...where does the time go?
2008 was a crazy, strange year but all in all productive and fulfilling in the end!

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Dear Family & Friends!

I hope that this note finds you all healthy & happy! Our lives are so busy that we are finding it hard to keep up with everyone and the Internet via Facebook & Blog Posts seems to be the norm now.

So happy 2009!

We are all doing well...happy and grateful for the wonderful things that life can bring.
I guess our biggest news is that we are expecting a baby in April! A baby boy! I am just entering the final stretch - the third trimester. So far I have been feeling pretty great...with the exception of tiredness, and some trouble breathing...oh and a slightly painful fibroid in my uterus....but really, I feel better than lots of pregnant people I know! LOL
I went back to the Calgary Herald for the Christmas Fund again, in addition to my regular job, so it's really been a crazy busy few months. I'm looking forward to things slowing down to a dull roar!

Christmas was fun, we spent it in the beautiful North Haven house...and it was lovely! We hosted Christmas Day Brunch for Anthony's family and Christmas Dinner for some of my family and friends. Boxing Day saw the arrival of our good friends the Willicks who came to stay during their son's hockey tournament. It was so great having a house full of people all week.

Life is moving along at full speed ahead. We are looking for a new house and hope to put the two we still own on the market...even though it's not the best time to sell, it is a great time to buy! So we are keeping on eye on the areas that we would love to live in and we'll see what comes up.

Anthony is busy with his painting company and still works at least 6 days a week. He is getting very excited about the baby and has said that maybe we should have a few more after this one...ha ha ha! Funny guy, huh? No really, there is such a big age gap between the kids, it might be really nice to have a couple that are closer in age....we'll see...maybe we'll just let nature do it's thing and see what happens.

Jordan is very busy in his second year of University. He has added a second degree now so his first major is German with a minor in Russian and a second degree in International Relations. It's all very cool and we are so proud of him! He has been accepted into a University exchange program for this spring in Germany to study at a University there and then take on a two-month work experience project. So once again, he'll be spending the spring & summer in Europe! Lucky kid!

Noah is in her final year of gymnastics and gearing up for some competitions all over Alberta and in Vancouver & Montreal. She has also joined a competitive diving club and learning all kinds of great new skills. It looks like she be competing in both sports this year - geez - she is an amazing athlete!
She is now in grade seven and still in the Spanish program and doing well. She joined the volleyball team at school and did really well, and she also started Band this year - she is playing the TUBA! She's a busy kid as she is also still involved in Girl Guides as a Pathfinder, but it seems to work for her! She is happy and healthy and as funny as ever...one can never say that kid doesn't have a great personality!

And that's the Coles' notes version of where our lives are right now. And all in all we are expecting a very exciting 2009!

Wishing you all a very happy and magical 2009!

With Love,
Allyson, Anthony, Jordan & Noah
xoxoxoxo

It's been awhile...

Yes, I know, it's been some time since my last blog update. August 9th, I believe. Looking back at the calendar now, I would have been 4 weeks pregnant that weekend.
And yes, that means Anthony & I are expecting a baby...YES, I said a BABY...next spring! After 3 - 4 years of not really trying to prevent it...it happens out of the blue!
I was feeling pretty tired and cranky and really, blogging was the last thing on my mind!
And honestly, it's been a roller coaster ride...lots of different emotions and feelings of happiness mixed with stress and uncertainty.

At this point I am now just about 17 weeks....and so much has happened since August!

We are living in the new house...well, sort of...we have not moved everything in...just what we need to live...not all the junk! There is still A LOT of little things that need to be done...some light fixtures, the main floor bathroom sink/lights, fence and yard worked on, paint touch ups...etc. etc. etc. And we still do not have a fridge, dishwasher or an oven, but the cooktop is installed and we have out old little bar fridge and my GF lent me a portable little counter top oven. However I have not felt too much like cooking. But with Christmas coming I'm going to want to do some baking...so I hope those appliances come soon!

Jordan is still in the old house as it's closer to school and the train to get to work. I think he enjoys it, but he is buying all of his own groceries, which is a wake up call! He eats a lot!
Jordan doesn't have too much to say about the new baby-to-be, but he says he hopes it's a boy, of course.

Noah is still in gymnastics but not really enjoying like she has in the past. There are coaching issues that do not appear to be changing so I think she is on her way out. It makes me sad as she still loves the sport so much, but she comes home feeling bad after training and I hate to see her like that. I feel pretty let down by the whole club and the attitude it has.

She has however, been invited to join a competitive diving team...so she is trying that out 4x a week right now. She seems to enjoy it. I asked what she loves about it and one of the things she said was..."Well, for one thing, no-one screams at you in diving!" Hmmmm....kinda puts THAT into perspective, doesn't it?
Noah is very excited about the new baby...and she has done very well, keeping this little secret to herself for quite some time now! Naturally, she hopes it is a girl!

Anthony wants a boy but thinks it's a girl.
I think I'd prefer a girl but think it's a boy. But I change my mind all the time.

I was so, so fortunate, that I haven't have one moment of morning sickness! There were days where I didn't feel great, but I was never sick. Which is so different from being pregnant with Jordan & Noah. But the tiredness...THAT is another story! I'm still tired and waiting not-so-patiently for the second trimester burst of energy!

However, we did get a little surprise when we went for my first prenatal appointment...
...apparently my left ventricle (in my heart) does not relax, which is kinda dangerous. I had these chest pains and shortness of breath last December and was sent for an Echo last January. Well, somehow the results were not read, or read incorrectly by my family Dr. and nothing was ever relayed back to me that there might be a problem. 9 months later....When we went for the 1st prenatal appointment I said that I was really having a hard time breathing and Dr. said oh that's normal in pregnancy, and I was like...no, this isn't normal. It's not normal that after one small flight of stairs I feel like I'm having a heart attack! So she said, didn't you have an echo last January?, and I said yes and she said that she would go back and have another look at the results...well she did and was pretty upset because she missed seeing this heart problem! She was freaking...that and the fact that she thought it could be twins because of the size and location of my uterus! Oh vey...so she referred me to a high risk OBGYN and a Cardiologist.

Since then, I am being treated with medication to control my blood pressure, which is controlling my heart problem...so for now...we just wait and see and take it easy. The number one rule is....NO STRESS. ha ha...yeah right.

We also went in for a Nuchal Translucency ultrasound to check on the probability of having a baby with Downs Syndrome...and the numbers looked really good. Yesterday we had an Amnio, which was a little painful, but tolerable. The results won't be known for another two weeks though. So much fun!

Well, that's it for today...I'm supposed to be taking the weekend off to rest after the amnio, but I still have a ton of stuff to do! Halloween tonight for one thing! Silent Auction for the gym tomorrow night....

Being Blah...

It's Monday. And I had to work. And it's rainy. And the living room windows leaked all over the floor. And it's "Stampede" time - yay - not. And the new house isn't ready. And the old house isn't ready. And I have PMS. What else could make a Monday more Blah?

aaaaaargh.......

Ok - let's be more positive here!

I did have coffee (well, I had green tea!) this afternoon at Starbucks with a friend, which was lovely. Actually - I would not really have considered her a friend until now. She is a friend of Anthony's family - someone that he grew up with - and in the 10 years that we have been together - she has been away for most it - going to school , living & working overseas. Anyways - whenever she came home, we always enjoyed a dinner at my in-laws or something and I've always thought she was pretty cool. So Saturday I went to her wedding shower...and together we had a great time enjoying lots and lots of wine. Then we convinced my husband to take us to Earls for martini's...and you KNOW I love those yummy babies! So...we got pretty happy and quite enjoyed ourselves. And today we went for a tea and a chat and it was quite nice - something that I will look forward to again in the near future.

Oh yeah and Anthony's brother and his wife have moved home from Australia! It was great to spend some time with them this weekend...besides a quick visit last year, it's been a couple of years! After a few hours though, it was like they had never left! Weird.
And Thursday I am getting together with both of my sisters-in-law...It has been a while since all of us have been living in the same city...so it should be fun. We are the three "Mrs. Palaschuk's"...married into it.

Tomorrow I am going to my second personal therapy session...we are looking back at childhood trauma and how it can (or has?) manifested into PTSS. It's funny - the more reading I do on the subject, the more I realize that I had a screwed up upbringing. I mean - I knew my life was not your typical Brady Bunch family...but I've always felt above it though...like I overcame and prospered because of it. But maybe I've been wrong? Maybe *I* AM the problem...ha ha
Anyways...I'm open. I'm into healing what's wounded. We'll see.

Jordan got a second job and is working lots of hours...finally! That lazy bum! He has a lot of saving to do to make it to Europe for a term abroad.
And Noah has a babysitting job this summer. Watching a girl from the gym who is just a couple years younger. She seems to be enjoying it and I know she loves the moolah! She is still saving away hoping to have enough to go to Disneyworld with her friend in the fall.
I hope she saves enough, because I am trying to convince Anthony that would be a perfect time to have our "real" honeymoon!

Ok - we did have a real honeymoon - we went on an Alaskan Cruise. (WITH OUR WHOLE FAMILY TOO!) So maybe you can see why I have always wanted another one...just the two of us.
For our anniversary this year, Anthony gave me a choice of three things:
1) A traditional Hawaiian Vacation
2) Another Alaskan Cruise
3) A return trip to Puerto Moralis

But I have another idea....we have always wanted to go to Australia (Anthony's mom's heritage) and have never found the time or a babysitter...or the money. But if Noah is already gone for almost two weeks...then I would only have to find someone to watch her for another two weeks and we could take a whole month off! We could do New Zealand, Rarotonga &/or Australia....now THAT is a honeymoon!
I would have to take that time off of work...but it would be worth it! Anthony is pretty flexible...I mean we don't even know what he'll be doing in a month let alone 4 months...so we can make that work.
As for money - I have plenty of aeroplan points to use up - so we could get there no problem. We have friends of friends in New Zealand and Anthony's family in Australia. Maybe we'll even sell one of the houses by then...then there are no worries! I think its the perfect plan.
Anyway - just need to get the hubby on board! He likes the idea in general...or a "loose" plan...but I need it nailed down. Concrete. I need a REAL LIVE PLAN! Ah...there is that patience thing again.

So what else....?
Ah yes...my good friend Melissa and her family came for a visit. Although I didn't feel like we had a lot of time to just hang out and catch up and relax, it was still great. It's so cool too because we met on-line! She is such a good friend and an inspiration. Hopefully we will make it out her way soon as well. I should say that we do catch up on facebook...that wonderful time sucker!

To the minute update...
1 - Taz just peed in the laundry room on the floor and on my wonderful new sweater!!! Bad dog!
1.2 - I'm now doing a load of laundry.
2 - I'm making meatballs for dinner. The kind from M&M's so don't think I went all Julia Child here or anything.

So that is it for today. My blah ('ish) Monday!

And then July begins....

It's been more of the same around here.

Since I last posted, Anthony & I went back to Compeer for another race - but this was a Hare Scramble, rather than an Enduro Cross that we went there for last time. Anthony did AMAZING! Maybe because we were there racing a month ago so he was a little more familiar with the terrain and the obstacles they threw in. He was 4th in the first motto and 2nd in the second motto which gave him 3rd AA - a great start for this series!!!

Last weekend we went to Raymond for the Provincials & Amateur Western Nationals. It was three days for Enduro Cross racing....in crazy heat and wind and dust galore. Anthony woke up sick on the Wednesday with a cough, sore throat and runny nose and achy etc. He was not a happy camper...and was being a bit of baby if I do say so! he he But he went to the track and luckily for him, there were not enough entrants to justify holding a qualifier round...so one less race each day for them! He did ok - you could tell he was tired and did not have the energy to beat the top guy. The two others are about the same skill level...but he just didn't have enough energy to overtake them. He came in 4th in the first two days races. But on day three...he was on fire! He rallied and battled for the 2nd place spot! I was so proud of him. Considering in his practise run he sprung a leak in his oil line and was thinking he might not even be able to race. But he was able to do some repair work..and got back in the game! So after the Enduro Cross series...he is 3rd overall! Whoo Hoo - way to go! I'm sure much thanks should go to his ever supportive wife....Ahem.

We booked our flights for Denver today...Anthony's good friend Chad is getting married in two weeks. We have 4 out of town weddings this summer...lot's of fun!
It seems like EVERYONE is getting married and/or having babies this summer. Sigh. Let's not even bother going there.

Noah goes back to gym tomorrow. We have not signed her 07-08 contract yet. Hmmmm. Not gonna say much about that either.
I've been feeling very much removed from the gym lately...a good thing. I still have things to do to finish up...but I feel free and no sense of obligation to continue volunteering my life away for a bunch of ungrateful, whiny, SOB's.......OK - and I digress.....

So it's July. Only 9 weeks of summer left...what a pessimist, huh? I can't help it. I really can't stand being here anymore...I'd rather be almost anywhere than here. I'd like to be with my family and my husband of course...but not here. I need a change of scenery.
BTW - the North Haven House....yup...you got it...still not done. In fact, not really any further along than when I posted two weeks ago. I'm trying so hard not to speak openly negative about it...I hope this doesn't count!

Ok - time for more Soprano's. I have not watched TV in about 10 weeks! But we are renting the Soprano's series and watching it from the beginning. And I wonder why I am saying so many more unflattering swear words of late! bad me!

My world on a Thursday morning...

Thursday is sleep-in day, because Noah has late entry at school. We love Thursdays! Anthony & I took the dogs on a nice big loop around Dalhousie...about 6 km I think. It took 1 hour and 3 minutes.

Now I am sitting here updating my blog when I KNOW I should be doing one of 3 things:
Go to work, because I was sick on Monday
Go to the gym and finish my work there
Clean and pack the house

Nope. I need a fourth choice, please.

Last weekend Anthony & I went to Pincher Creek for a EX Race. We got up at 5am to get there in time for sign-in but ended up getting there a little late...luckily they know Anthony well and let him sign in late anyway.
The course was insane (to me) ...I took some pictures and video but I still can't figure out how to get the videos off my camera and onto the computer. Anthony was doing well despite a bad start. He caught up to fourth and stayed there for a while and fell back into fifth after some crashes. (One crash was pretty spectacular and he is still in pain every time he moves!) Then he had major trouble getting up this crazy hill that had worn down after so many laps and he (and quite a few others) were stuck trying to get up. He eventually made it, and ended up 7th overall. Which still puts him tied for 3rd overall in the series. Not too bad as there are a few really fast guys that he has to battle to stay in the top three...but I think he can do it.

Sunday was also Father's Day...and I was happy that Anthony could spend that day doing one of the things he loves the most...dirt biking! I bought him a new (totally awesome and cool) helmet to protect his noggin' and KTM bike stand. (Plus some poo-poo-pouri which I will leave at that)
I am so thankful that Anthony is a great dad to Noah & Jordan. We all have our moments but 99.999% of the time, he is so amazing and we are lucky that he is in our lives.

This weekend we are supposed to be heading to Compeer for the first race in the CMA series but Anthony is still pretty sore...so we may not go after all. I think I'll be disappointed as I really enjoy getting away together from the daily stresses.

The week after is the Raymond race which wraps up the EX series for this year with the Championships...it's a three day race and I have a feeling it'll be crazy!

There are still lots of races in other series' that we have marked in our calendar. For the rest of the summer, there are very few free weekends left. But I know that it's important to Anthony and I am willing to give him that time to enjoy what he loves. I enjoy it too though...I guess I should add that.

Melissa is coming to town in a couple weeks so that will be great to get in a nice visit, however, I don't think the new house will be done, which means we will have to stay in the half-packed, mess of the old house. Sorry Melissa!!!

The house is coming along though...just never, ever fast enough. The granite finally went in on Tuesday - it looks great! The hardwood has been ordered but won't arrive till late next week...then we have to let it sit out and acclimate as it comes from BC and it is soooooo dry here compared to Vancouver.
We picked out the carpet for the top floor and basement...and it is ready to be delivered but they are not done painting....oh yeah, AND the basement flooded last week with all the damn rain we had! I tell ya...it never ends!

Oh well. Life is good. I am trying to be thankful for what I have and I know I am lucky.
I have a fantastic husband and great kids and a good family to spend time with, friends that care about me...yup...life is good.